apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
