Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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