What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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