Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
