his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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