Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.

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(805): View more from California

just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

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(325): View more from Texas

Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet

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