Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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