You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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