I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
kristin has been a bad kristin
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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