So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
