is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
