wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
