How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
