dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
