Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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