i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want a musical about memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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