You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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