I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
