There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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