my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
