yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
