did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
