You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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