i think my tv is drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
