Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
