I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
