I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
