my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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