my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
