He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
