the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
