there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
