Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
