Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
