Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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