...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
