god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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