you didnt know i had herpes?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
