I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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