Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
