He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
