make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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