I am full of burrito and curiosity
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
