Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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