You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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