i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
