I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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