What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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