i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
