my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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