Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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