I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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