dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
