Is it because I queefed?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
