I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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