this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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