I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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