In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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