he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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