Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize