bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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