You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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