you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
