new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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