Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
