Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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