I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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