I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
