dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
