You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
