Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
