got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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